Behind the Scenes of Courtship: 'Talking Stage' Unveiled

Traditional courtship went in a straight line: you meet someone, you date, and eventually you define the relationship. Jess points out that today there is a step in the middle, the talking stage, "a period where two people get to know each other, explore compatibility, and determine if there is potential for something deeper."

It looks like casual conversations, time spent together, and a lot of quiet assessing. Jess describes it as a phase of "exploration, curiosity, and a sense of openness," where a relationship can develop without being rushed into a label.

Jess calls it a trial run. It gives two people room to check compatibility, shared values and long-term goals "without the pressure of labels or commitments." When relationships feel more complicated than ever, that buffer can bring clarity before anyone takes the plunge.

It is not all upside, and Jess says so. The talking stage can be painful, especially for anyone carrying a bad experience from a previous one. Jess admits to having those too, and treats them as lessons that helped with getting to know oneself better.

1. Treat uncertainty as a feature, not a threat. "Uncertainty" sounds negative, but Jess asks listeners to see it differently: it is what lets you enjoy getting to know someone without pressure. Pair it with boundaries, though, because a talking stage has two possible outcomes. It progresses, or it becomes "another life lesson that you're going to bring onto your next talking stage." Either way, learn from it and don't repeat the same mistake.

2. Say what you feel. Communication is "the key to unlocking deeper intimacy and understanding." The most personal moment in the episode is Jess admitting to once keeping feelings and opinions private, then wondering why nobody understood. The realisation:

"They're all just human. They don't have superpowers to feel what you feel or what's in your mind."

Jess adds that this applies far beyond dating, to family, friends and work.

3. Expect obstacles. Misunderstandings and miscommunication come with the territory. Patience, empathy and a willingness to see the other person's side are what get you through them. And if a past talking stage hurt you, Jess hopes you won't close the door on the next one: "those experiences made you stronger."

Jess invited a friend, Grace, to share her take, and she is more sceptical. For Grace, a talking stage is one of two things: "a good investment or a waste of time."

She enjoys it. It is "a warm feeling" to get to know someone and imagine where things might go. But she sees many people get stuck there, drifting into a situationship or simply ghosting each other. Her advice:

• Ask about intentions early. Grace wants to know "right away, what are your intentions."
• Treat it as temporary. "You have to make sure that it's really just a stage and not something that you're going to be stuck with."
• Watch out for talking stages that start and end online without the two of you ever meeting. Grace links the rise of online-only talking stages to habits formed during the pandemic.

• The talking stage is a chance to learn about compatibility, and about yourself.
• Uncertainty is fine; staying vague forever is not. Boundaries and clear intentions protect both people.
• Communicate what you feel. Nobody can read your mind.
• A talking stage that doesn't work out is still a lesson worth keeping.

"Love is not a destination, it's a journey, and the talking stage is just the beginning of a beautiful adventure."

Where do you stand: investment or waste of time? Listen to the full episode above, then follow the show on Spotify or Apple Podcasts for the next one.